INFORMAL: Maz Jobrani talks about intercultural marriage, Mercedes and "status"!
Maz Jobrani's wife was born in India. Intercultural dating and marriage has become more acceptable in recent years among Iranian immigrants. Maz is a fan of Kodoom.com so he agreed to talk to us about his intercultural marriage:
Kodoom.com: Who influenced you in your decision to marry and did anyone try to talk you out of an intercultural marriage?
Maz: Long ago, my mother wanted me to marry an Iranian. As a teenager, I thought what if I fall in love with a lady from Africa? After I started dating my wife (born in India), my mother really liked her. But I was the main decision maker about my marriage. Actually, my friends came from all parts of the world. I never planned to marry an Indian lady. I had dated only one Iranian girl before. I had dated Italian, Americans, and others. My wife and I dated for several years. I developed my attraction to my wife while dating her so the marriage decision came from that attraction and most importantly "friendship."
Kodoom.com: Who gives you the most advice (wanted or unwanted) in child rearing?
Maz: We have two children: Four and one. I believe in the 21st century, we should get most of our advice about children from doctors, teachers and experts' books and research, and not much from "cultural" experts. Of course, culturally, I do want my children to learn Persian (Farsi). My wife and I also both want our children to be good honorable people.
Kodoom.com: Any "cultural" differences between you and your wife in raising your children? What parts of your respective cultures have you kept?
Maz: Our differences are mainly not cultural, maybe because Indian and Iranian cultures have a lot in common. Differences are mostly caused by "personal" opinions. For example, I've read that when babies cry in their cribs, starting from 6 months old on, you're supposed to let them cry it out in the crib. It's called sleep training. My wife, on the other hand wanted to comfort the babies when they would cry rather than letting them cry it out.
The traditions my wife and I like to keep and pass to children are foods, honor and respect from our Eastern cultures. We are not that religious. I am not much into doing "taarof" (Persian formal pleasantries) so I try not to pass that on to my children.
Sometimes I do tell my four year old that his father was born in Iran. I am hoping that when he grows up he becomes curious about his cultural roots.
What keeps our marriage strong is the shared interest in raising our children the best we can.
Kodoom.com: Dating (finding a match) is a challenge for young Iranians. Status and wealth seem to be very important to many Iranians. What is your advice for successful dating?
Maz: First, young people should "experience" life and learn about themselves before marriage. Sometimes you will find your match when you least expect it. Second, remember physical attraction fades after several months so make sure you are attracted to your partner's "personality" also.
As for "social status", of course financial security is important but many young people may have better futures than today. Also, if you're a hippy or not materialistic, it is OK to look for a hippy. Being a good friend to your partner is the key. I personally think factors like "status" and "fancy cars" are "nonesense" and not important in relationships. If you are looking for that prince or princess, Good Luck!
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