Ladies: A better way to use the 81 minutes you spend on Facebook!
By Max Amini: I came across a Swedish study that shows women who use Facebook regularly are less happy than those who don’t... I wonder if those Swedes took into account their weather! Well, have you seen how ladies use and interact with each other on Facebook? Vicious!!! Even Lizzie Borden was nicer to her parents before she gave them their 40 whacks! According to Forbes, on the other hand, men spend most of their time on Facebook using it “as an ‘interactive Rolodex’ and storing contact information for future use”... I guess that’s what Ludacris was referring to in his song when he said, “I got hoes in different area codes”... Fb is how he keeps track of them, duh!
Anyway, in regards to ladies, the average woman logs in 6 times and spends a total of 81 minutes per day on Facebook. From what I’ve seen, this 81 minutes, more often than not, consists of compulsively clicking through an ex’s photos and comparing one’s self to that skinny girl that he's now dating. Honestly, if I’m going to waste this much time deliberately torturing myself, I’d rather sit through the movie Magic Mike and wrack my brain over who allowed this film to be made!? Is Capital punishment justified? Yes! :)
Now men, on the other hand, have moved the macho-man contest from Muscle Beach to the social networks. The shirtless phone pics in the bathroom mirror are the evidence! For us, social media is used to gather as much information as we possibly can and show off the size of our brains through commentary and posted links. How is it that we have no problem spending all this time online, yet the 5 minutes it takes to iron our shirts is SO painful that we need to hungrily seek out a mother figure to do it??
So let’s put an end to it... APPARENTLY, ladies, to be happy you should spend less time on Fb and save enough time to iron a shirt for the fellas, and no matter how painful we must patiently watch the movie Magic Mike with you!
Max Amini is an Iranian American stand up comedian born in Tucson Arizona and raised on the East Coast. He graduated from UCLA’s school of Theater, Film and Television in 2004. As an actor, Max has numerous film and television credits including NBC’s Heroes, regular appearances on Comedy Central’s Mind of Mencia, and a leading role in the upcoming film Beer Pong. Max performs nightly at comedy clubs in Los Angeles, and you can also catch him in a stand up special currently airing on Showtime.
